HOW MOTHERHOOD HAS CHANGED ME

I have been obsessed with reading Rhiannon Bosse’s blog (if you haven’t heard of her, visit her site here: http://rhiannonbosse.com/ ) I love how honest she is with her business life and personal life, and how they work together hand in hand. It’s something I relate with and one of her posts in particular really resonated with me, called “How Motherhood Changed Me”. I loved it so much that for the last month, I’ve been thinking and reflecting on my own life and how I’ve changed since bringing Beck into this world and naturally, I thought it would be fun to write my own version. So here it goes:

• I’m convinced that I can be Beck’s primary caretaker and still run a successful business – and I hope more and more people choose to go our route as well. I want to be there for most of Beck’s firsts. I want to be there when he is sick, comfort him when he is hurt, laugh and giggle with him when he is happy and be his role model and show him what hard work looks like. I would love for him to grow up and take over our businesses. I’ve always dreamed of having a “family” business but now that we’re here, in it, the term has a whole new meaning. When Beck was first born, I struggled with what “work hours” would look like and how my life would operate. I cried multiple times to my mom, asking her for advice and how she decided to stay home with us and raise my siblings and I, and for the longest time, I thought I had to CHOOSE between my child and my work if I wanted to be successful. I’ll admit the first year was extremely difficult but I knew I didn’t want to choose between my love of photography+business and my love for my family.
• I’ve always felt that and have been told that I’m a very patient person. And I think the best photographers have to be patient, as at times, our trade can be testy, exhausting and stressful. Adding in a child into the mix has grown my patience and tested my limits. I have learned how to stay calm, even when I’m running on three hours of sleep, and be more giving and have more understanding for others.
• I am more willing to say no and keep within my boundaries. I have learned that I don’t have energy for negativity and I’ve decided to cut out activities that don’t add value to my life. I’ve decided to cut back with work and focus more on quality than quantity. I don’t attend every networking event I’m invited to and I’ve become more comfortable with saying “no” to projects that don’t align with my artistic vision and goals. I know my new limits and I have no issue with keeping to them, even if that means missing lunch with my girlfriends (and their kiddos) so that Beck gets his nap and I get in my time to work.
• Before becoming a mother, I was always talking about how busy I am and how I never had enough time. If I could go back, I would love to tell the old me to wake up because the “new” me, the “mother me,” literally never gets a spare second. My life is unique in that I am, at times, a single parent working from home and raising a child alone due to having a husband that travels for his work while also running his own business. “BUSY” doesn’t even begin to describe my life now days. I’ve learned to work smarter – no phones, no social media, no distractions. Netflix binging while editing is a thing of the past. Luckily, when I was pregnant, I implemented online assistants for most of my business, taking over little tasks, automating workflows and taking advantage of technology like online agreements and invoices. Working smarter has definitely become a mantra of mine.
• A secondary thought of working smarter is that I also have become comfortable with slowing down and enjoying the small things. I think that so many people view being “busy” as a measure of success. That if we haven’t had a laundry list of things to do, or have seen, or have done, we somehow aren’t as successful as the person that can list off a million things and reasons why they are “so busy”. While yes, my life is “busy” and we’re always up to something, I’ve also learned to just “be in the moment” and be ok with having nothing to do. It’s refreshing to take my son to the park on a nice day or to take him for a walk with my camera. It’s nice to just cuddle, sing songs and grow my creativity by watching and learning from his imagination. And through this, I’ve learned and have grown by craft; I’ve become comfortable with wanting to create artistic images that don’t fit within rules of what a traditional portrait is considered. I’ve started to fall back in love with creating still life, landscapes and nature and exploring how that relates and can be incorporated with my wedding and portraiture work. Enjoying and embracing the quiet, simple moments has become a new favorite.
• I yearn for honesty and integrity like never before and I think it’s mainly because so many of us, especially in the wedding industry, feel the need to portray perfection and only celebrate our wins and curate a false life on social media. People that are doing life in a similar way to us and not being ashamed to talk about the stress, the mess, the utter “what just happened to me” moments is so refreshing and I love getting to bond and laugh over those stories.
• The single biggest change has been asking for help. I’ve always believed that I can accomplish whatever I put my mind too. And while I’ve asked for help in the past, I have just recently become comfortable with the act of ASKING for help. I’ve become more humble and because I’ve learned my limits, I know that asking for help will only get me to my goals. Whether it be asking for some time alone to focus on work or seeing if the neighbor can help with knocking the snow off the tops of our trees, ASKING for help and showing a “vulnerability” has been liberating. And because of that, my gratitude for friends, family and my clients have only grown.
• My wardrobe has changed – it’s true. And I’ve gone through several wardrobe purges. Between my body changing, needing to dress more practical and also hitting my 30’s and realizing that my favorite tops from college are no longer fashionable – it’s changed. I like wearing one piece swimsuits and I’ve fallen back in love with jeans (and I used to hate jeans… but take them away for 9 months and you start to miss it). I don’t get and want to wear heels as much as I used too (even the shape of my feet changed) and my hair feels different. I have a few more wrinkles now and stretchmarks in places I didn’t know would stretch. I’m finally getting comfortable with the ‘new me’ and the fact that physically, everything is much harder than it was before and I’m okay with it.
• Lastly, I’ve become closer with God and my faith. I honestly feel this growth started when I first became pregnant with Beck – putting my trust in Him and knowing that there is a plan far greater than my own gives me comfort when the stress and worry starts to overcome me. I enjoy teaching and praying with Beck each night and I look forward to the day that I get to hear what he’s also grateful for and who we would like God to watch over and care for.